Today is 🙂 which is good, currently isolating with my partner, son and doggy. Staying home and doing our bit to save the NHS in these difficult times.

Feeling guilty for not being well enough to work but feeling lucky that I’m safe and well.

I hope to add to my blog in a regular basis, just to share what I’m doing and how I’m recovering from what has been the worst year of my life.


A lot can change in a year

19th April 2019- 19th April 2020

A year really isnt a long time, when you consider it and yet so much can change in a year. The 19th April is significant to me, because that was the day, I found out i was expecting my second child. They say a picture is worth a thousand words and for me the following picture, taken on that day shows my happiness.

This picture is me happy and feeling blessed.

A year later, A lot has changed for me.

I suffered from severe hyperemesis which left me housebound for 12 weeks and unable to work from 5 weeks. I tried many many types of antisickness and combinations of treatment. At 17 wks I started steroids and improved so much.

I had a raised nuchal test and underwent invasive testing and low lying placenta identified at 20 wks.

At 22 wks, my waters broke and my son entered this world too premature to survive and died in my arms age 3 hours.

Post traumatic stress set in as I tried to make a return to the job I used to live for.

A lot to deal with in one year.

The change in my physical appearance (unintended loss size 12 to 6) is just the start of my journey, but it is the thing people see and so it is the thing that gets mentioned frequently.

Taken April 2020

I lost 10kg while pregnant and suffering hyperemesis and then have lost a further 10kg since my son died in august.

I was going to write a list of the things that have changed for me but it would be long, the effects of HG, loss and bereavement reach every corner of our lives and have impacted me in many aspects. For me the parts that standout the most are:-

  • moved house
  • changed relationships
  • Physical isolation
  • Feeling no one understands
  • Anger
  • changed friendships
  • body image
  • changed parenting
  • Left my job
  • confidence
  • mental health………..

So writing this blog is one way of trying to help myself on this journey.

I have found that art and crafts help me to concentrate and with the schools out it has been a good opportunity to try new things, thank goodness for that messy craft box!